Having a baby

My husband for many years has been trying to convince me to name our first born Sebastian Shweinsteiger Herber Gerber Flapjack Yuskinson. What if it's a girl you ask? Sebastian Shweinsteiger Herber Gerber Flapjack Yuskinson.

I have gone along with this for years smirking and patting him on the head nodding with the same smile you give to the guy trying to tell you the world will end May 20th 2010.

But recently the pope said that Christian Children should be given names from the Bible as "an unmistakable sign that the Holy Spirit will allow the person to blossom in the bosom of the Church". Have you seen some of the names in the Bible? Numbers in Kings James lists loads of boys names. You could just pick numbers out of a hat and your child's name would be Zurishaddai.

But what about your little girl?

Women don't feature too heavily in the Bible if I am remembering correctly. It's mainly Sarah's and Mary's. We are wives and whores. So I had a little read in my wifey Bible (wedding gift of the mother in law), I'm going with Efrata for a girl. Or I might pick Saint Wilgefortis. She didn't want to get married to the guy her dad picked so took a vow to remain a virgin and grew a beard and mustache. Man, I do love a good beard.

So next time you se that someone on Facebook (that you once went to school with, worked with one summer) has named their eighth child "Plum Peugeot". Spare a thought for the devout Catholic who called their son Nebuchadnezzar.

And just to be clear our first born will never be called Sebastian Shweinsteiger Herber Gerber Flapjack Yuskinson.